Interestingly, I read this today shortly after coming home from the Anglican church I have been attending lately. One thing I have found I really like at St. George's is how liturgical the service is - far from the words being repeated over and over into meaninglessness, they seem to become all the more significant and striking the more I say them.
This surprises me, as I remember growing up in my Christian elementary and high school and being so frustrated by the repetitive choruses of whatever song was the flavour-of-the-month (though some of these stretched on for way too many years...). I think the distinction must be that reflecting long and often on a few meaningful words can inscribe them deep into our lives, whereas repeating over and over some cliche amounting to 'Jesus is my cosmic boyfriend' causes me to quickly tune out, leaving nothing but inane chatter.
Reading this article, I realized how true it is to my life. How I am an information-addict - and it doesn't have to be good information, or interesting information, just any information. As an embarrassing example, I could name for you most of Kim Kardashian's love interests in the post Ray-J years, but not the birth dates of my nieces and nephews. One of those pieces of information is so much more important to my life and means so much more to me than the other, and yet, in taking everything in, I think I have lost the ability to prioritize, or to reflect in any kind of meaningful way...
Thinking about it, I also recognize how this constant need for information - stimulation - to be "in the know," drives my everyday life. This is more or less my routine...
6:45 am - wake up, shower
7:00 - make coffee and breakfast
7:10 - 7:45 - look at (more or less in order) while watching BBC World News
- gmail
- thedailybeast.com
- the Globe and Mail.com
- my blogger dashboard to see which of my friends have posted
- my work email
- buzzfeed
- BBC.co.uk (that's right, while watching the BBC)
- etsy.com
- theweathernetwork.com
- Groupon and Living Social deals
- FML
8:40 - 9:10ish - head to work, check work email on blackberry on the bus
9:10ish - 5:30 - get to work, immediately check email, globeandmail.com (again), internal CIDA news page. Despite intending to go for a walk, spend lunch reading the international media clippings service provided by work. Check globeandmail.com at least 5 times that day. Check facebook via blackberry at least twice. (confession: typing facebook just "reminded" me to check facebook to see what has happened in the past 20 minutes I've been typing this post...). No matter what the urgency of whatever I'm working on or who I'm talking to, have the irresistible need to check who has emailed me everytime the little mail icon pops up in the corner of my screen...to the point to which I cannot concentrate on anything else until I check (note: I get an average of 80 emails a day...)
6ish - get home from work. Check:
- gmail
- thedailybeast.com
- the Globe and Mail.com
- my blogger dashboard
- my work email
- buzzfeed
- etsy.com
7:00-9:00 - gym. Watch whatever news/TV I can glimpse between reps on the weight machines. Read US Weekly or inTouch on the elliptical
9:00 - eat dinner. While watching TV with my roommates, check:
- gmail
- thedailybeast.com
- the Globe and Mail.com
- my blogger dashboard
- my work email
- buzzfeed
- etsy.com
- tmz.com
- wedinator
- people of walmart
(and repeat).
So that's what I can say. I can tell you what I do all day, but I couldn't even begin to tell you why. Why am I so compelled to refresh the buzzfeed stream 6 times an evening, when I know that a) there is little there that will either genuinely interest me or amuse me... and b) whatever I read or watch will be completely forgotten within minutes, hours, or a few days tops. I haven't bought anything on Etsy for a year, so why do I have to know what is being featured this hour? Why do I force myself to stay awake to hear Jon Stewart discuss who should be the next Chairman of the RNC, when I think they're all just schmucks anyway? Why do I have to know, as soon as possible, what my friends are thinking, feeling and doing in 140 characters or less?
Now here's the thing: to type this out, it all feels a little bit sick - like I must be some crazy loner lunatic, but I like to think I'm pretty "normal"... I work hard, get to the gym 3-4 times a week, volunteer a bit, and have a pretty active social life... I've even started to cook more!
So the question for me is: what gives? Literally - what is "giving" - being shoved aside, so I can make the time to check my work email 4-5 times an evening?
Have I lost all depth?
...and if I could only read 4-5 books for the rest of my life, could I be a Thomas Aquinas?
1 comment:
I nearly died when the stupid internet wouldn't work all day yesterday and I couldn't check all the blogs I follow. I also do not understand how you wake up so early if you don't have to be out the door till late. I am the worst at waking up. Are you going to cut things? I've (almost completely, but not quite) cut celebrity gossip out of my life. It feels good.
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